Mary Sue's Adventure of Epic Sueness
by The-Doctor's-Invader-at-221B
Summary: A parody of all those horribly and completely perfect Mary Sues. Follow her on her mini-adventure of being a sickly sweet Sue!


A/N: I've seen some of these before, and I want to try it out for myself. Cause Mary Sues really bug me. Especially since I've started reading stuff on The Half-World, a really awesome blog that has a lot of MST'd fics. I advise you not to read the story called, 'Love Knows No Race', it has got to be the most despicable, wretched mess ever to be passed off as fanfiction. But I digress.

Now, let us venture into our Sue's wonderful, perfect tale of Sue-ness!

: :

Once upon a time, a random service drone who was carrying a tray full of glitter, a jar of butterflies, and a bottle of evaporated insanely-annoying-cuteness was walking past one of the smeet-hatcheries. Just as soon one was hatched, the drone tripped for no apparent reason, accidentally dropping it all on the smeet who had fallen to the floor. The drone was fired ten seconds later for being so clumsy. But the soon-to-be-Sue was not so lucky, as her fate was sealed as soon as she had absorbed the materials that the drone had dropped.

Her name turned out to be Sparklez. She was fitted with a black PAK, with hot pink spots on it. It was also sparkley. Her dress was short and had lots of fluffy ribbon at the end, and was so bright a pink that you almost went blind if you looked at her long enough. Her antennae had as many curls, twists, and squiggles as curly fries, and were way curlier. They also reached almost to the floor as she walked. Her skin was the most beautiful and perfect shade of emerald green, and her eyes- Oh, how incredible they were! They were two different colors, with one eye a shiny (don't forget sparkely!) gold, the other a deep, swirly silver color. Her eyelashes were as long as all get out, and almost as curled as her antennae. And she was granted with the power to make anyone she met dreadfully OOC!

And she was IN LOVE with Zim. THE. PLOT. THICKENS.

But then, when he went to teh Great Assigning to go do Invadery-stuff, she was filled with longing for her one true love. And she stayed in her apartment, listening to the universe's saddest long played on the universe's smallest violin.

But DEN- Zim messed everything up and made the other Invaders 'splodey. And he was sent to Foodcourtia! Oh noes! That wouldn't do for our little Sparklez. But, since she was a Sue, everything goes her way! She found out with her magical Sue-powers of magical Sue-ness, that Zim had gotten sent to a planet called Earth. OOH! Time for an amazing adventure for our sweet Sparklez!

She got to meet with the Tallest, and she begged them to give her a SIR and a Voot Cruiser, just like Zimmy! CAUSE HE WAS HER TWOO WUV.

With tears sparkling (of course) in her beautiful eyes, she looked up at the slightly disgusted and irritated Tallests imploringly.

"Please, My Tallest, I beg you to give me what I need, and to let me leave Irk so I can go and be with Z im! I love him so much!" she cried, close to sobbing. "And I have to come to Earth and make him fall in love with me, so I can fullfill my role as a Mary Sue!"

Red shared a look with Purple and tugged him aside.

"You know, we might as well get rid of her, she has to be one of the most annoying Irkens I've ever heard speak. Well, besides Zim... But her voice is so... I dunno, so sickenly sweet it makes me sick."

"I agree. And if she's really in love with Zim-" Purple shuddered, "-then we have to keep her away from the rest of the Empire. She could be as insane as him."

Red nodded, and they turned back to the Sue- Um, Sparklez.

"We've decided to let you go to Earth to be with Zim-"

Sparklez gasped in delight, and let out a squeal of joy that made the Tallest cringe.

"Oh, THANK YOU, My Tallest!" she said, her claws clasped in ecstasy. "Now, where's my SIR?"

A few minutes later, Sparklez was presented with a defective SIR unit. Its eyes lit up with an adorable purple color.

"Aw!" exclaimed Sparklez. "What's its name? It probably rhymes with Gir, right? I'll bet it does!"

"It doesn't have a name, now will you shut up and leave us alone already?" growled Red.

"I'm going to call it-" Sparklez thought. (I know. I'm scared, too.) "-Lir! And it must be female, right? I think it is! It has to be, so she can be just like another certain SIR!"

And then she left ten minutes later, leaving behind Red gripping his antennae to block out her voice and Purple banging his head into the wall repeatedly. She decorated her Voot with ribbons, flowers, and lots and lots of GLITTER! And sparkles.

"Let's get to Earth, Lir! And be with Zim and Gir forever!" said Sparklez.

"YEE-HOOO!" replied Lir, jumping around the Voot. The two standered Sues made their way to their newest mission- Make everyone as OOC as possible- I MEAN, go and meet Zim! Yeah!

: :

"Class, here's another worthless, horribly doomed child to join this class of all you other doomed chilren. Her name's Sparklez," spat Ms. Bitters. "If you've got anything to say, Sparklez, say it before you don't have another chance in this wretched room filled with child-stench."  
Sparklez smiled as wide as she could, the dim light from the cockroach-covered bulbs glinting off her perfect teeth. She brushed off the front of her new dress that was part of her hologram.

She was wearing a tight black minidress, with a flared purple-plaid skirt at the bottem that didn't even meet the dress code, but she's a Sue. Rules bow before her as she flounces through the halls. Her skin was pale and creamy, a lovely milk-white and raven-colored hair that was long and in the most fashionable up-do EVER. She had on fishnet stockings that were black and purple, with boots that had heels so high that anyone who tried to walk in them would instantly crumble to the ground. But she is a SUE, people! She was also wearing lots of shiny silver jewelry, and had ice-blue eyes that sparkled.

"Thank you, Ms. Bitters!" she chirped. "I look forward to making you all be- Um, my best friends!"

"That was horrible. Go sit by Dib. You, you're being transferred to the underground classroom." A kid was dropped and Sparklez went to sit down, flashing her smile at anyone who was looking, making them faint.

Dib stared at her. She was the most beautiful that he'd ever seen!

'I'm eleven, not interested in girls in the least, and very busy with trying to stop Zim and his evil plans all the time, but I am instantly IN LOVE WITH HER,' he thought.

Zim gaped as well.

'She's a hideous, disgusting, inferior human pig-smelly, but... I've just realized that I need love in my amazing Zim-life! I am Zim, someone who would never love, but WHAT ON IRK does that have to do with ANYTHING. I think she's absolutely WONDERFUL!'

An hour of doom later, the students went to the cafeteria. Sparklez went to sit next to Zim, who smiled at her and instantly made room.

"Look, Zim, I have something to tell you." Sparklez took a deep breath. "I'm Irken. And I'm in love with you. I want us to be together forever."

"I FIND THIS UTTERLY TRUE. And I love you as deeply as anyone has ever loved anyone, my little Mary- Erm, Sparklez!" said Zim, his contacted eyes growing wide with sincerity.

"Oh, no you don't, Zim!" protested an angry voice. Dib was standing there, his arms folded across his chest defiantely. "She's mine!"

"But DIB, I already know who you are! I am your MOTHER. And you're half-Irken!" revealed Sparklez.

Dib gasped. "I FIND THIS UTTERLY TRUE. I can't believe I'm Irken! Maybe all this time, we were meant to be best friends forever, Zim!"

Zim and Dib started sobbing as they embraced each other.

"Oh, this is going just according to plan!" Sparklez sighed happily, beaming as the two figures continued to hug and cry into each other.

That VERY AFTERNOON, Zim and Sparklez were MARRIED! And so were Lir and Gir! It was a DOUBLE WEDDING. And Dib couldn't be any happier, for his bestie was going to become his step-father!

Then, all of a sudden, a girl popped up in the story. She had chestnut-brown hair and lots of freckles. She was holding a weapon and looked furious,

"I HATE Mary Sues!" she yelled. "My name is AlmightySmallestMizena, and I'm here to restore this universe to normal!"

She suddenly shot the characters with her gun, making Zim and Dib normal again. Zim gasped in horror when he realized what had happened in the past few hours, and whipped out a laser. He shot Sparklez and Lir, making them evaporate into nothing. Dib ran off, screaming and throwing off his trenchcoat because it was covered in Zim-germs. Zim ordered Gir to get him some cleansing chalk to get rid of the lipstick marks on his face.

: :

Well! That was fun. I hope I made you chuckle.


End file.
